Sunday, July 29, 2012

This fall.





There're times when the mind is full, full of things. Pleasant or not is a relative thought, but mind is full nevertheless. It does not take misery to make us miserable, we alone are sufficient, we're the creators, and being miserable is a mental make up after all. We're actors, and our director, the subconscious controls us like puppets attached to fine strings.

But when the mind is full, it does not long for things. When you are falling, the initial stage is of panic. And as you continue to descend lower and lower, it subsides. You fall with ease like a heavy leaf, you know you won't die. Life does not kill, it is accidents that kill, life ebbs away, slowly. Others, die. There is a certain soothing sound that life gives you as an indicator and as a balm when you are in a fall. When the mind is full, you don't mind listening to it either. It numbs everything else, and you grow disconnected from problems.

People tell me, that every ailment leaves the host before life leaves.

"This too shall pass", is a phrase for those who would want to see it pass. When you are in a fall, you're pretty much given in, don't care if it would end or not. You know you won't die. Falls never kill, it is the crash that does.

Loss after loss after loss. We register a loss and while it is being evaluated, we question, what do we do now? Nevertheless, the answer is, if you can do something, it is fine, and if nothing can be done? It's fine. Burdens increasing manifold, and the masochistic tendencies start to take over to cushion every blow, you smile with every blow as if it has ceased to matter. And then you want to go quiet, in an observant mode, incognito. Your expressions don't betray you any more, provided they're evoked, which I am afraid happens seldom. You're supposed to be sad, you're supposed to panic, and do rash things, like you did when the fall had started, but the numbness incapacitates you. It's good, I know.

I say, the effect of numbness is funny. If you've known pleasures and pain equally, chances are that it would tickle you, and make you euphoric, or content perhaps. If you've known more pains lately, then pain is what you carry in your mind even in numbness. It cannot be helped. As I said, it is just chemicals in the brain doing what they do.

When in a free fall, when machinery stalls, you need to do nothing so that you don't break anything, because when the ailments start to leave the moment before the crash would come, you've got to pull out  really hard, because the adrenaline does not last for long, it has to last long enough to reach a better altitude, better than where we were before.


Falls make you strong. The Phoenix is not a myth, but a metaphor. 

25 comments:

I think, therefore I am. said...

Ohmygod I was just in this phase!
You just put everything in my mind into words.
WOW.
Laaavit=D

Vagabond said...

saying anything here will break the calm of the piece...not saying anything is not an option.

Fatima said...


Gravity is gravity
It doesn’t try to pull you down
Stone is stone
It can’t help but hold its ground..


A deep and compelling post as always ! :)

Take Care

Ph_ said...

I can not stand being able to do just nothing that's my problem.

And yes the falls are like that. Exactly the way you've put it, word to word.

SEPO said...

Fall=Strong!
Point Taken ;)

sharmila said...

/We're actors, and our director, the subconscious controls us like puppets attached to fine strings./
Very true and very well said !The lesser we burden our subconscious ,the better it is for our well being.

⁂ܓVållῐ ⁂ܓ☺ said...

Falls never kill, it is the crash that does.
Very true!
Interesting post!

Sadiya Merchant said...

cud be a handbook for wen u fall, bt wen u do, more often dan not it almost feels as tho nothin like dis hav EVER happend to anyone b4!

Confused Soul said...

I'm pretty much speechless!
You did justice to the words and feelings.. Beautiful! :)

Saumya said...

I am through it... could relate to it so much...brilliantly expressed :)

jo said...

'It does not take misery to make us miserable , we alone are sufficient.' :)
Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi..nasamjh laya gum, to ye gum hi sahi.

Its in the moments we can't measure or explain that we come closest to living and dying.
And we don't know what it is like to be standing on our own until we fall. :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@I think therefore I am
Many thanks!

@Bhavika
Enough said for a smile to last long :)

@Fatima
Take care, you too!

@Princess
Thank You!

@Sneha
:)

@Sharmila
Unfortunately, the master is the master, does not heed to your countenance to burden itself or relieve itself from the load. It just makes sense to speak what you have in mind and expect that all will be right.

@Valli
Thank You!

@Sadiya
Dear you, nothing that you have experienced has EVER HAPPENED to anyone before, nor will it reoccur again.
Every fall is new, no matter how similar the circumstances, just like every person is different. One's poison is another's elixir :)

@Confused Soul
Thank You!

@Saumya
Thanks much :)

@Jo
Perhaps you are right!

A grain of sand said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A grain of sand said...

Fall makes you strong. Rising thereafter makes you stronger. Knowing , all the time during the fall, that you can rise is your strength.

Rohu said...

you are my favourite blogger.. :) its blessed.. the connection between your heart, mind and pen.. such turbulent thoughts, such depth, profoundness,the mysteriousness.. all fit effortlessly into your words like that's the only thing they were meant for.. :)

Purba said...

Khalil Gibran of blogosphere! You are sheer brilliance.

Ritika said...

This blog can be connected with anyone's state of mind for the simple reason- every day something makes you and something upsets you. The joy of happiness won't be recognised if you have undergone pain.

:D

Love your writing skills nevertheless.

Ruhani said...

I gave you an award on my blog! :D
http://ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie.blogspot.in/2012/08/din-hai-suhana-aj-pehli-taareek-hai-d.html

Rose said...

You've felt the edge of despair so many times that it ultimately lowers your sensitivity to things. And when you don't react, you have to remind yourself of the cross you carry.

For there's a depth to pain as well, a depth that tugs at the very essence of who you are.

Beautiful, poignant post.

Dreaming Wanderer. www.tonightidream-iwander.blogspot.com said...

a very strong post :)

as alfred said it - we fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up master bruce.

Tweety said...

Oh my....I don't really what to say to it...

And yes, the effect of numbness really is funny...i am going through this phase of numbness...when i have created the illusion that everything has ceased to matter...

This left me spellbound anshul...

I am here after almost 6 months...and it feels so good to be back into your world of blasphemy...

Gargi Gupta said...

At this point, my mind is full, full of things.....this post serves me well I guess....and "Life does not kill, it is accidents that kill" is brilliant.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@A Grain of Sand
yes

@Rohini
:)
Thank You!

@Purba
That would be too big a name to be worthy of, Ma'am, gratitude!

@Ritika
The joy of happiness won't be recognised if you haven't undergone pain. :)

@Ruhani
Thank You! :D

@Rose
Oh no, it's a calm in the midst of it all where you should lie. Nothing seems to matter there.

@Dreaming Wanderer
Thank You, someone still seems to be reeling with the Dark Knight fever hmm?

@Tweety
It is no illusion, it is no farce, it is just a defense mechanism I guess.

@Gargi
Thank You! :)

Suruchi said...

Anshul,
I almost felt you were echoing what’s happening in my mind!

And it is as confusing and engrossing as perhaps this write up.

I need to read it again. Maybe you can help in some secret way :-)

Anonymous said...

Physical strength is as important as emotional one!
To survive crash or fall, both are needed.
Be healthy, happy and blessed!
Take care.
-Lioness

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