Sunday, April 22, 2012

Despicable Me.

Because in the end, when I grow old, ugly and shrivelled, and you'd be a little less older and lesser uglier still, I'd choose to side with you. It wouldn't be a game of options then, but of choices, and I'd deliberately choose you. But till then, be beautiful, pretty please.

I cannot bear to see my rarest jewel fade.

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I'll be judged for this, and I dare everyone who would, do! For this, You, I am keeping for myself and I would relentlessly seek you out till kingdom comes if need be.

Love, it isn't enough on my plate, and I am happy for it would have made me so weak in the knees that I'd have fallen for Queens while the Aces went for other petty beggars.

Somehow, I cannot make peace with this world. It's skewed beyond recognition, in my eyes, and doesn't forgive. Not that I have forgiven it either, but a few of you and others make it worth living in here. I do need to get out on the surface for fresh air, don't I? I know I've got a problem, but you never receive what you already possess. You've fallen in and out of favour many a times, and yet, look, you're here, with me, still!

Though I pretend and believe, and secretly would want to be, a man of reason; But, I know I've been unreasonable. I ain't apologizing, and I know you wouldn't want me to, that is why I always run back to you, and find another reason to stay. No one understands, everyone pretends to though, but you, you make no such pretensions, and you know that I would return on my own and try to explain. The one little thing that I never want you to do, and yet commit to it myself, again and again, a little hypocritical that I've always been, never explain yourself again.

Beauty to me, has always been something that should be tangible, seen, heard, touched, smelt and felt. Heck, I'd fall for dames, but I'd be damned if I were to be spellbound for long by the hollow vanities of these beauties without brains. Yes, things under the skin, they start taking priority and over-ride the physical appearances criterion very soon, but the precedence of outward beauty in the first place hasn't been compromised much.

Whenever, someone has suited my eye, I've looked for flaws, somewhere, something must be lacking. You were no different either, but look, you've come a long way. Overlooking them was beyond my reason, and living with them was unacceptable. I am no Adonis as such, but as someone has said once, 'Those who look for best, often get it'. You, are the best of them all.

Day by day nothing changes, except that we grow old, and as the treacherous wheel of time spins, more and more we grow cold. People may laugh at me, knowing what I am, and I don't care for their laughters. They are all hypocrites in baring their pearly fangs after being misled by the verses of selfless love written by similar hearts who chanced upon accidentals mingling forays. Most of these lovers died young, while others  who lived long, lived miserable and heart broken.

Love, is not learnt from books and literature, it makes literature, it is literature. I've seen people fall from great heights in the eyes of people who once adored them when subjected to the microscopic eye. I am inclined to failing, I'll make no other claims and promises. I am unsetting all the standards you've set, so that I can come undone. You, I've admired you for your rational opinion, though I've seldom said it.

In my belief, I've loved you sometimes, and loved you too much a little rarely. I've missed you sometimes, and terribly missed you rarely. But whenever I have, I swear to sweet Lord, I know what it is like, the want to snatch you from where ever you are, and, dive in your lap and weep.

A Dirty Mind, speaks thousand pleasing lies, and is loathed for the single truth it spake, one that was never believed until it saw the light.

The world will not matter, it may all die, I'd still be at peace.

47 comments:

Vagabond said...

read it twice...I like it...the 'almost' love letter :)

maithili said...

Once again a beautiful compilation of thoughts! Its such a pleasure to read you.. You have been missed :)

Rohu said...

Left me speechless.. I think I will begin quoting you very soon. What a masterpiece! And does it make me grateful? :)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

This was beautiful Anshul. I loved every bit of it. The way you have brought the entire piece together is amazing :) You're such a great writer :)

Rose said...

You have given voice to those thoughts, those feelings that haunt most individuals; that sense of resignation and resilience combined, the paradoxical nature of life and love itself.

Beautifully written. To me, this seems to be your best work till now. More power to your writing. :D

Usama Rehman said...

very well written!!
the way you have written abt love is indeed applaudable.

jo said...

The world wouldn't be worth living..if it wasn't for few lovely people. This is one of the most honest expressions of love I've read. :)

pri said...

Speechless!!! This is beautiful :-)

pri said...

Speechless!!! This is beautiful :-)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Bhavika
=)

@Maithili
Thank you!

@Rohini
No, but your comment makes me grateful :)

@Juhi
Thank you!

@Rose
I don't endorse anyone's feelings as such, leave alone voicing them, I wrote what I felt like writing.

Thank you for the encouraging words!

@Usama
Thank You!

@Jo
:)

@Pri
Thank you!

kanika said...

You are just gifted with words, my man.

nil said...

I started marking the lines I planned on quoting while I commented, and I couldn't.

Your blog is a book that I'd run to when all the sense in the world has turned wicked.

Blasphemous, what magic. What magic.

Soumya said...

Woaaahh wasn't this awesome :)

Plus, that's my friend's smile up there :)

Kunal said...

What a composition Anshul. Breathtaking!!

One of my favorites on your blog...

A grain of sand said...

I read it after 17 mins of you posting this. It is a very strong and a passionate narrative. Didn't know what to write then.And not just passionate, it is also a piece wherein you accept who you are in the face of your beloved. But yeah those who look for the best often get the best!:)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Kanika
Much like you have the way with a DSLR :)

@Nil
It ain't any Cinderella story Nil, nothing in it is true, and yet, nothing that I've written is a lie.

@Soumya
Glad to know that, do let your friend know, this is the second smile I'd rather enlarge and put on my room walls. The first one was from the old nescafe girl :)

@Kunal
Thank you :)

@A Grain of Sand
True that, thanks much!

autumn leaf said...

someone is in love :) (and that's a compliment in itself !!!) continue basking in its glory ... that's all i would say for now ... Cheers !

Suruchi said...

It's a different you...whenever you reveal a bit of mush, it is too much. And too much in this case, is always a wonderful thing.

You are like a serene, complacent, soothing river and imagining you in a wild, gushing state of emotions is a tad difficult though very pleasantly wow. If only you'd show us more than the trickle and let the gates of the dam be thrown open:-)

There are so many turns here that are so very dipped in hungry passion, without you having to use any physical description per se. That my very, very dear friend is GENIUS. And that is why I can never stop reading you, no matter what!
"You, I am keeping for myself" :-)

"Love, is not learnt from books and literature, it makes literature, it is literature". This is Literature, I wish we had read more of such Literature :-)

Saumya said...

wow...you spellbound me....it's great to know that there are people who think like this....'awesome' won't compliment your write-up...but still....awesomeeeeeee!!!

PS: the 2nd last line is par excellence!!

Saumya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Manish Bhatt said...

I read it once, twice and thrice and so many times... Sweet Wonderful Honest literature... Such a thoughtful Beautiful Shivering post..!!

SEPO said...

As usual a beautiful piece of writing by you!

Saru Singhal said...

When a man goes into length to tell what he feels, why and how, he is surely in love. A beautiful piece. Also, we all love the exteriors first, they must attract us. But very few in this superficial world have the courage to speak the truth. What lies beneath is what makes the foundation of the relationship.

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

Your words affect me like a prayer. Beautiful! :) :)

Chirag Joshi said...

nice post
and beautiful composition with lovely words

sharmila said...

Expression of love straight from the heart and how?!
The pain,the longing,and the passion..came alive in each word and every line.

Ana_treek said...

Wow! Wow! Amazingly written..I wish someone would write that for me

Jyoti Mishra said...

It had all elements love, curiosity, innocence, ignorance, wisdom, madness... in nutshell a fabulous post as ever :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Autumn Leaf
Many people in the world are. :)

@Suruchi
I am glad :D

@Saumya
Thank You! :)

@Manish
Thank you bro! :D

@Sneha
:)

@Saru
Still I've tagged it as fiction.

@MSM
:)

@Chirag
Thank you!

@Sharmila
Thank you!

@Ana
Maybe someone would write it for you someday.

@Jyoti
Thank you Jyoti!

Sunakshi said...

I'm in so love with this post. :)

viddhi said...

beautifully written !

viddhi said...

beautifully written !

Suruchi said...

Sirf ek line ka jawab to itna bada granth of a comment? Bahuuuuut nainsaafi hain :D

♥ Golden Pink ♥ said...

beautiful piece. gift it to the one u love. i loved its beginning a lot specially,
Glad I have found u.

Tanvi said...

A love letter which might speak a thousand words saying just one thing, "It is still not a love letter."

The inner things, matter more than the outsides do. When the eyes rest upon a beautiful face, they start the search of a beautiful soul inside. If it appeals then that is a real personality :):) I liked it for some beautifully rational things you have said ;)
Long time! ;)

Cheers,

Purba said...

I think I'll save it and read it again on a rainy day, sitting by the window and weeping for things unsaid.

Bhargavi Kashyap said...

Very beautifully written :)
Can i share on my blog too?

Saru Singhal said...

Fiction??? And people will believe you...;)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Sunakshi
:)

@viddhi
Thank You!

@Suruchi
Aap to aajkal ek line mein bhi reply nahi karte? :P

@Sonal
Thank You, but I'd keep it in safe for now :)

@Tanvi
Thank You Tanvi :)

@Purba
Thank You :')

@Bhargavi
Yes, you may :)

@Saru
If they don't, they'll only be disappointed :)

Lehari. said...

awesome read...
read it 2-3 times..
=)

Gargi Gupta said...

Wonderful!

sp.ajay said...

I had to read it twice to get it completely. It wasn't a light reading material for one. For two, indeed it was a pleasurable read(both times). I will be copying a few lines from this; hoping for no copyright and infringement lawsuits! :P

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Lehari
:)

@Gargi
Thank You.

@Ajay
No, no issues so far :P

the other side of me said...

Just like a magician..


you create magic with your words..I was amazed :)

A said...

you give away yourself...way too much my friend...its almost painful to watch.
I could compliment you on the writing ...but you probably know that already because no one can feel the unbearable beauty of these words more than the one who put these words together using the spaces of their own emotional nakedness.
You are terribly beautiful to read..and you almost make me worry about you..but i hope in all good faith that you find the world a little less unforgiving than I did.

Cheers!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@TOSM
Thank you! :-)

@A
I thought of you sometimes, wondering what became of you.
Friend, just to let you know, I looked for you, many times. I did not find you. The only thread which I had kept safe might have been broken, (sophie.246(at)hotmail(dot)com) a long time.

I wear faces, many faces, it's true. What is written above too is true, and I have my fair share of vices and virtues and maybe more vices than virtues.

I lack a few emotions in general, or rather, I have them but I don't know how to react to them. So, there is certain numbness in my ways which I think preserves my sanity.
It is your graciousness that you find these little words beautiful and meaningful, I revel in the feeling that I made someone happy and would move dare to mountains to achieve that.
Life is tough, and the world IS unforgiving, but don't you worry about me, I forget things, and make same mistakes again. It's fun, you know.
I pray to you that you start writing again =)

A said...

:-) ive missed this place.

I am trying to get back...feel home again...did write a couple of posts...for my own sake...i really hope I stay.

Cheers to making the same mistakes again!

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