Wednesday, February 29, 2012

To love, and to be loved.


“I just wish to see what is so special in her that ...”

वैसे तो उसके बहुत सारे दीवाने थे, मैं भी उसी कतार में कहीं बीच में पड़ता था | उनमे से किसी एक की शायद वह भी दीवानी थी | यह भी हो सकता है कि जिसकी तमन्ना उसे हो, वो उस से वैसे ही अनजान हो जैसे वो मुझसे | कॉलेज के काम से हमारी बातें होनी शुरू हुई थी, और मैं सोचता रहा की मैं उस कतार में आगे बढ़ रहा था | गौरतलब है की किसी दिन सबसे आगे भी पहुँच जाता | पर इस जहां में जो चाहो वही मिल जाए, ऐसी किस्मत तो बिरलों की ही होती है न? उसे मालूम थीं, मेरी उसके प्रति भावनाएं क्या हैं, और उसने अपना पक्ष रहने में बिलकुल भी संकोच नहीं किया | कह दिया, हम सिर्फ दोस्त ही बन सकते हैं | ठेस तो लगी, पर हिम्मत कर के मैंने भी कह ही दिया की चकोर रोज चाँद को निहारता है, इसका मतलब यह तो नहीं कि चाँद ज़मीन पर उतर ही आये? दोनों जानते हैं कि अंत क्या होगा, पर न तो चाँद रोज आना छोड़ता है, और न चकोर उसको निहारना |



Somehow I found saying goodbyes very odd. I was never good at goodbyes. I simply could not care enough to say them. I thought if I didn’t say those words, no one would notice my departure and absence. And when I’d turn up again, I could go on like I had gone for a stroll.

She asked me if I’d not say any goodbyes to her. I was taken by surprise in those words, I asked in bewilderment “Is it?” She stared at me for a good length of time. I think it wasn’t, or was it?

बहुत तलाशा, फिर उम्मीद करना ही छोड़ दिया | उसके जैसा और कोई कहाँ मिलेगा, इस बात पर कभी मेरी कोई और राए बन ही न पायी | मैं गलत था, एक बार फिर, परन्तु इस बार अछे के लिए | उसका ख़याल अब एक परछाई बनकर रह गया है, मेरा वर्तमान मेरे अतीत के बारे में जानता है, और अपनी मुस्कराहट भर से उस परछाई को धूमिल कर रहा है | और मेरा अतीत? वह आज भी अपने वर्तमान को तलाशता है !  

“I just wish to see what is so special in her that ...”, She stopped before completing the sentence. And I could not help but smile. She never felt it as long as I pursued her, and maybe I am still imagining things, but what the hell. She taught me how to love, but not how it was to be loved. She had pursuers, still has, but at least...

“हज़ारों की भीड़ में कोई एक” से आज मैं “हज़ारों में एक” हो गया |

35 comments:

Ph_ said...

The Hindi part which I couldn't read is unfortunate of me :(
Rest, very intense very deep!

Vagabond said...

*mera ateet aaj bhi apne aaj ko talashta hai!*

mushy much, eh? =)

Lehari. said...

something must have been that special in her that...jo kabhi gaurtalab tha wo aaj hazaaron me ek ho gaya...:P
chakore ko to adaat si hoti hai niharne ki..par kambakht chand bhi kam nahi..he just cannot afford not to come..can he ?

Suruchi said...

Pata to tha ke aap zamane bhar ke gambhir se shaanti rakhne ke bawajood, andar se kabhi us uthal puthal se guzar chuke hai jiske parchaye bhi nahi dikhte aapke chehre pe:-)

Yes, you look too content in finding about life and existence and drowning in poetry and prose....but then looks are deceptive and there's too vast a mind frame there within to not encompass it all :-)

I hate goodbyes too...I can never cut off people once I allow them within my periphery....But then also life teaches you that no one is indispensable.

"She taught me how to love, but not how it was to be loved..."
Beautiful :-)

I sooooooooo love even a hint of love and mush at Aesthetic Blasphemy :-)

the other side of me said...

Yeah agree with Suruchi..BA with a hint of love and mush is just a pleasure to read..and I dont understand Hindi..I felt as though i have not read enough

but not how it was to be loved..:)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Yes, some people teach us how to love, but not how it is to be loved :)
The last line of the post was so easy to relate to! Goodbye's are difficult. Running away, and turning a back towards situations is way easier. But then, we have to face it all someday :)
Lovely read! Keep it up :)

Alka Gurha said...

The Hindi part stands out....and yes goodbyes are heartbreaking. Its best to keep them short.

⁂ܓVållῐ ⁂ܓ☺ said...

Sadly, I couldn't read hindi part..But I liked whatever you've penned in English...

Jyoti Mishra said...

touché !!

very fine and refined writing... Hindi part was outstanding :)
Goodbyes are painful.. agree with that.

Prakash Jain said...

Nicely written...feel can be felt...

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Princess
Thank You :)

@Bhavika
Much? Nay!

@Lehari
Nope, It cannot afford to lose an admirer, there are many ready to show it it's scars, only a few to see the moon beyond that.

@Suruchi
I seldom hide what I am not thinking, and what I am thinking, I share only with those who would get it. When I'll have one such person, I think I'll let my parents know :D
But don't worry, it is nothing about me, never was. I venture out at dusk and pick up papers wrapped over stones. :)

@TOSM
Thank You!

@Juhi
:)

@Alka
Indeed they are.

@Valli
Thank you for dropping by!

@Jyoti
Exams over? :P

@Prakash
Welcome to Aesthetic Blasphemy

Rià said...

I hate good byes...its always so painful!! Its best to get over them soon.

Kunal said...

Unrequited love...with its own charms..with its own pain and sadness, a bouquet of sweet memories spread over the past gone by. Always out of reach..but not enough to forget.

Hindi parts...bliss!!

A grain of sand said...

Bahut umda. Maza aa gaya! The post had a soul of a romantic :)

Jyoti Mishra said...

yep finally over :)

SEPO said...

awesome!

Arpit Rastogi said...

Anshul bhai.. this is height of awesomeness! :) :)

Arpit Rastogi said...

Anshul bhai.. this is height of awesomeness! :) :)

HappyVic said...

though i didnt understand most part, i think i share the feeling while u were writing this post....

this is a nice blog. :)

Cinderella said...

I am reminded of a certain Celine Dion song that goes with the same word "Goodbye's the hardest word" that always makes me cry... its about a daughter and a mother.

Some goodbyes are soul finders - zaruri hote hain. Make you stronger. Happier. Then again...thats when you emerge a realist post the massacre.

Nice post.

nil said...

" “हज़ारों की भीड़ में कोई एक” से आज मैं “हज़ारों में एक” हो गया | "

you compel me to quote you with every fiction piece that makes its way.

And now if I ask you the same,
but how? :')

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Ria
Yes, thank you!

@Kunal
True, thank you for appreciating.

@A grain of sand
Thank you

@Jyoti
Great

@Sneha
:)

@Arpit
Thanks Arpit :)

@Vic
Do you? That feels good :)
Welcome here!

@Cinderella
Yes, they are.
Thank you!

@Nil
Induction effect, which happens with creative souls like you around :)

Dreaming Wanderer said...

mera atit mere vartaman ko talaashta hain... - beautifully said!

aapka lekh padhkar mere hot khud alfaaz ko talaash rahe hain.. :)

bohot khoob.. :)
beshak aap hazaaron mein ek ho!

Saru Singhal said...

The longing is this post sounds extremely honest. There is a special feel in this post. The hindi words are amazing...

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

That line in English was so touching that I wished I could read the rest... Sorry I am Rashtra basha challenged.:(

Rachit said...

वोह आखिरी के अल्फाजों ने पूरा किस्सा ब्यान केर दिया ....

Weakest LINK

Nikki said...

hazaron ki bhir main koi ek sai main hazaron mein ek hogaya:)

Animesh Ganguly said...

The lines in Hindi are so deep. The perfect blend of hindi and english are just beyond any osrt of appreciation.
Cannot stop praising you. Great one!

By the way, what happened to the design of your blog?

Vivek said...

Nice post , I also have the same instance , saying a goodbye is one of the toughest act to perform , its like giving out some of the treasures..of heart within which mean a lot to us.

As it is said , we must give it a chance to blossom even it 99% impossible ..as we have seen butterflies ..if we chase them they eludes us but when we .let them fly away and wait it comes back ..but always its not true ..but then.. at-least we tried ..

For me it was other way around ..we became good friends after I confessed .. I was 99% sure( when confessing) she would reject then what ..our friendship will also vanish ..but it didn't .. our friendship blossoms there after ..though it went through ..high lows ..misunderstanding ..but at last friendship won .. :).

I think friendship is backbone of any relation , and if its true ..nothing can make you part ways. Love will definetly follow suit there after.


P.S : Happy Holi :) Enjoy. Coming to blogger after ages..but was nice to read your post in time. :)

Chintan said...

I just want to cry after reading this....And I want to read this piece again when am holding a drink and actually CRY!

jemis said...

Awesome read !

Yougal said...

badhya mucchi... :)

♥ Golden Pink ♥ said...

last line is b'ful :)

♥ Golden Pink ♥ said...

last line is b'ful :)

Tanvi said...

Goodbyes I wish I could escape them too. Someone who teaches how to love, not how to be loved. Deep line......deep meaning :)
And now you are going to face judgement pumpkin pie ;)

Cheers,

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