Friday, September 2, 2011

Hallelujah! I've nothing to offer, Dear Reaper.



Blindfolded by the darkness of a moonless night, I slipped into an unnamed alley in a bid to find something of which, I had never been seeker. It was curiosity, just like the other day when I had heard some people use the word. ‘I’ve been touched/ hurt/… in the souland things like that. It is something that I haven’t quite felt in mine (soul).
So, I lured myself into that alley and made sure I left no trace on the ground, no footsteps. Walked on paved grounds, without light and support of the confining walls. All I could feel was the spiraling of the steps and the descent. I lost count of time and sensation of direction. I was just going down, and down, into a dark place. I sensed liquid down there, flowing, it was in the air. Yet I found none.
After a while I was parched, though moisture was all around, humid, deliquescent, and a melodic turbulence. I found nothing, no soul, no elixir, only tiredness. I backed down. I returned.
But while I returned, I felt light, because if it exists, it is still white. Unstained, too deep for me to seek, for now. And if it doesn’t, I’ve never had anything worthwhile to loose, eh? So, I return to a place where I wear a blindfold of blinding lights.

69 comments:

Chintan said...

someone went soul searching....look in the mirror for a minute and you will hunt it down!

Chanz said...

so near and yet so far.. It is withing us yet we seem to have no control it..

Sadiya Merchant said...

:o
confused n impressed cos as always i din understand any of it.
i jus haaaate dis. i think u purposefully write stuff so ppl like me strt feelin really really dumb :(((

Superrrnickkk...!!!! said...

AWW-F*ING-SOME MAN...!!! wow.. real good piece of writing..!!! loved the concept and the crisp way of putting it across
NICE WORK..!!

aakash said...

So abstract and beautiful. Like reality. Blind-folded we are, but I am not sure if the descent does lead somewhere always..

aJ

vaisakhi said...

:):O....aah i feel dumb really...i tried very hard to read between the lines and all i can say in the end is "soul search"...no more words...:(....intrstn write...beautifully framed...:)

SUB said...

you know what, sometimes i search for my specks all over the house only to realize much later that i am actually wearing it...no wonder u found nothing :)

Nice one!

Cheers!
SUB

SEPO said...

finally something on your blog that i actually understood (or so i think!!)

but yea this is a condition that has come to my mind as well, quite often!

suruchi said...

I soooooooooooo loved Sadiya's comment...you deliberately do that so we read n reread what you say...

Thakur saab, why so serious? Thoda loosen up karo yaar...we miss the hulke phulke waale posts too....

Nobody is ever touched or hurt in the soul...sab aise he style maarte hain!

The description of the movement through the alley however and the closing line though took my hear away...beautiful!:-)

♥ Solitaire ♥ said...

sadiya said it too well..though I got it a bit, you tried searching the feel in your soul..! and then you just got tired, didn't find anything much.
and I could relate here, where you said, they talk about things touching their souls.
I gotta find that out too.
I sometimes feel I am too shallow to feel emotions and understand where's it coming from.

Rek said...

Soul searching doesn't always yield results...just like meditation...I have never found tranquillity in it unlike others...maybe you and me are not evolved enough for such activities......
The words sting and disappear before one can quite grasp them just like your elixir. Expressive,thoughtful post. Enjoy your weekend.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Chintan
Mirrors show me only two things, things that my eyes want me to see, or things that I wished not to see. :)


@Chanz
True.

@Sadiya
No, no, everything written here is unintentional and coincidental :P

@Nick
Thank You.
And welcome here.

@Aakash
Thank You :)

@Vaisakhi
Then you got the jist, what did you not understand?

@SUB
hahaha, yes, it happens many times.

@Sneha
Strangely, many others did not understand it :)

@Suruchi
Madam, I thought you were an English teacher, you've tackled Shakespeare and Wordsworth, then how come you don't understand someone at the bottom of the food chain.

@Sonal
I was elated when I did not find it :D

@Rek
I have, though I might not have evolved enough, but peace, I have found most of the times.

Nidhi said...

Such a beautiful piece. Absolutely abstract. Makes you think.

Though I would like to say. No soul is white and untouched. No matter where you go, what you do for soul cleansing, the mark remains.

:)

Deepika said...

nothing to loose? won't that be the end of everything?

Punam said...

This somehow gave me the impression of soul travel or probably dream state recount of what you saw.. because it doesn't make sense.. and dreams see no logic. The whole idea of falling down the stairs towards water, thirsty even though there is moisture, 'backing out' because you did not find what you were seeking, your return to the 'blinding' lights - this is a whole mishmash of paradoxes!!

the other side of me said...

Oh God I thought I am the only one who doesnt get it :P:P but yet I always admire the way you write..

Maybe you are searching for something that you already have within you,that's why you ended finding nothing..:):)

Take care

Vivek said...

Hi Anshul,

Nice post , yes we speaks many times like it touched my soul . esp music , and when we get something unexpected ,.. actually it infuses us with +ve energy.
Life will come full circle to us if we can experience and have a connect with the inner-self deep within.
Which is missing in today's world.
And happiness we get is immense, Alas still ppl search here and there..while looking inside ..sometime.

suruchi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
suruchi said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaw...English teachers ki liye at least reference books hote hain sir ji...aapke to reference he nahi hote...itneeeeeeeeee deep chale jaate ho ki mann karta hain kheech ke....baahar nikalen;-)

Just kidding...hats off to our new age Wordsworth...Shakespeare would be proud of thy art, my friend:-)

But really...you need to start a pathshaala for many of us here who want more-explanation that is!:-)

*hass lo...hasne pe tax nahi hain*

~Serendipity~ said...

This spells abstract so beautifully :)
The way you knit those words make me wonder about my soul, am I too shallow or what ?
So, I return to a place where I wear a blindfold of blinding lights
How I wish I'd written this :)
You're beyond awesome :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Nidhi
Perhaps, you have a different point of view. I appreciate that.

@Deepika
That is a possibility, but then that could also be a new beginning.

@Punam
I never fell down, I descended, volunteered for it. But then, that too does not make sense, along with many other things.

@TOSM
Did I say that it was water? I never told what alley I took, what were those walls made of. Just the floor, and a liquid, that seemed to flow.

@Vivek
Today's world? I believe it never happened to everyone before too, only a select few.

@Suruchi
:)
Kheench lo, and shake me out of the stupor.
And leg pulling is fun, hass raha hoon :)
To write about love, I need some inspiration, abhi us route ki sabhi lines vyast hain :)

@Serendipity
Now, you've written this. :)
Thank You.

☆ Rià ღ said...

i agree with Suruchi...why so serious? Hope u come up with a happy post soon! :)

Usama Rehman said...

Excellent! Very profound thought and expression.
sometimes what we have within our reach seems to be too far and away but what matters is our perception and understanding towards it.....

Fatima said...

Appie this is so not you, what happened to the light humored posts and fun ?? Itne serious kab se yaar...soul searching and all..don't lose your self in this darkened nights and alleys where all seems to be void yet things are hidden deep within!

Aur ek baar mein padhne k liye bahot dhayan se padhna padhta hai :)

But yeah aaj kal kafi expt chal raha hai...and wow its going nyc too :D

TC

Alka Gurha said...

Meaningful abstract post...different people can interpret in in different ways...

Tanishka said...

Torch.... That is what you need... The next time you go in dark, don't forget to carry it.... :D
Sorry i don't even attempt at being serious... :)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Your writing is always so intense. When I start reading, the images itself form in my mind, and then your writing takes my thinking on a journey :)
I loved it. As usual :D

Raj said...

that, was almost mesmerizing. its a compliment dont take it otherwise. :)

Cloud Nine said...

Very thoughtful post, as always! I wish i could understand on the first read itself, your posts are tricky, i have to read it twice or thrice to understand:P So, that is some nice soul searching:)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Ria
Happy post and happy mood are two mutually exclusive events. So, I hope for the same :P

@Usama
Yes, thank you.

@Fatima
Meet Blasphemous Aesthete. :P

@Alka
Indeed.
:)

@Tanishka
Sahi baat, thank you for the good advice :D
It's okay, why be serious when you can do it with fun.

@Juhi
Thank You.

@Raj
Almost, sigh! :P

@Cloud Nine
hehe thank you :)

suruchi said...

Haaaaw...aapke to sab he peeche padh gaye:(

Matlab woh waala peeche nahi...yeh waala...woh waala to bahut se hain par aap unko woh waala bhav nahi dete na to yeh woh nahi ban paata jo woh ban sakta hain
*if you don't read that twice...mera jeena vyarth hain*

And yeh liney vyast nahi hain, zabardast hain...unko khooliye...and love nahi to love ki icha pe he kuch boliye...
Waah waah...thank u, thank u:-)
*tugging at you to pull you out of the stupor-help my stupid*
:-)

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

I can see that most of the time your posts keep baffling people! That's what the comment say!

I dont know if the descent is meant to lead us somewhere.. Maybe it'll come to us at the right time.. I've never believed in 'soul-searching'.. It seems too abstract.. so yeah.. the last sentence was what i could relate to the most!

Rachit said...

It's the light I fear of lot than the darkness...

Weakest LINK

avecwings said...

Very thought provoking!I enjoyed the journey!
Nice blog you got! :)

Cynthia said...

your souls' heart comes through in
this post. his emotional vulnerability is very close to
spiritual.

Saru Singhal said...

The journey of searching is tough and it pushes you in a far more complicated world. Nicely written...

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Suruchi
arre, aap to shayar ho gaye :D

@Chandana
Perhaps, it means nothing to most of us, including me too most of the times.

@Rachit
Nishachar ho?
:P

@avecwings
Thank You :)

@Cynthia
Thank You, he is spiritual in ways :)

@Saru
Yes, thank you :)

Rose said...

I guess I'm not the only one who didn't understand your writing at first glance! But it was worth the effort. :)

After all, the nature of your soul is something only you can understand.

Beautifully written. And, and...I recognise the picture but I doubt you know anything about anime.

Nehha said...

Soul searching is a tedious job but if one has to do it one has to do it.

I wonder how you sound when you're less serious ;)

Anonymous said...

Dont know why did i read this, and now that i have read this, i feel elated and inspired.

Uncle. :p

Fatima said...

@ Anshul: Met BA but you see I was talking about my friend Anshul and not the Blasphemous Aesthete :P

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Rose
Nay, I've just watched Naruto, One Piece and a few others. And read some Manga too.

@Nehha
Yep, I've got to do when the bells ring again. For now, I am walking in a day dream :)

@Anonymous
Hey Lioness, is it adaptability that cats have started foraging without names rather than hunting in the open?

@Fatima
Anshul does not blog here.

Jyoti Mishra said...

Exactly few things r beyond our radar to catch.... blindfolded or bare eyes they just bounce, its like beyond our visible range :D

A grain of sand said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A grain of sand said...

"....I’ve never had anything worthwhile to loose, eh"...
thats the mystery and beauty of mindless seeking, you stumble upon 'something' you would never have realized how potent it could have been otherwise!... then that 'something' be everything or nothing, how does it matter?

~Serendipity~ said...

You're too kind :D :D

eNiGmA said...

blindfolded anyway huh ?...sometimes by darkness, sometimes by blinding lights.... but that's how most of us exist n survive through... 'blindfolded'. searching for thing deep down is kind of chasing a mirage...but then there is always a hope to find it.... as usual, loved ur post... this time 'STIRRING' is the word :)

Angel said...

Ahhhh so deep ! Is this going back to past life or a kind of meditation ! Genius writer !

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Jyoti
Then what are all these technologically advanced sensors for? :P

@Grain of Sand
True, thank you :)

@Serendipity
Am I, oh thank you :)

@Enigma
:D Made my day :)

@Angel
:) It's not that deep Angel.

Anonymous said...

it should have been a lion yaar..!!! chill, it was a good hunt for me , anyways,,.!!!

Risha Kalra said...

'But while I returned, I felt light, because if it exists, it is still white.'
I can read between lines here.
You're a profound thinker in true sense! :)

Love, Risha :)

Sony said...

I don’t know with what mind you have described this scenario but I think you have described the state of meditation, Not that I have ever experienced but People who had experienced it , had described it similarly. Time and space seems to disappear in that state and White light is what they see……(Not yellow not green it is pure white.) They keep on following the same light in order to know what exactly is that and they lose their identity in it. That is also called as Samadhi state, the final state. People who see light, denies the existence of the materialistic world as they only see light.

Sam B said...

I return to a place where I wear a blindfold of blinding lights.

Beautiful :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Anonymous
Oh my bad, sorry.
Well, if you are too eager to be comparing yourself with lion, then, lions never hunt on their own. It's the lionesses of the pride.
As for chilling, its Delhi, Dude :P

@Risha
You did mention something that no one else did. Thank you for trying and for your precious time :)

@Sony
Oh no, it's not anything or anywhere related to white light of Nirvana, nor is it any state of meditation. It's just a state where I tried and yet I found nothing subtle.

@Sam B
Thank You, it's been a while, how's FIITJEE?

Anonymous said...

u r indeed obsessed with urself, dude. Carry on..!!
luking forward to more interesting stuff from your side.

Thanks.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Anonymous
I read somewhere in a good book that those who don't pride themselves never create anything.
And I still don't see a point why I am talking to a face without a name.

Let's have an identity as an attribute to your being, and I'd offer you a coffee or two. If not, I am averse of banging my head on walls without doors.

Warm regards,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Anonymous said...

be opposed to attitude..!!
not all people who created things and whom you admire pride themselves.
you might be hurting someone somewhere..(someone includes yourself too)
i believe people like you dont fall into unceasing arguments.
neither do i. :p
take care..:)
good night.

P.S: i appreciate and admire your talent

Lilangel said...

Your post somehow reminds me of a scene from the movie "Contact" :)

Soul searching..time travel..yet there are no conclusive answers that I have found :)

Nice post !!

hope and love said...

deep.. beautiful..

Red Handed said...

Yet again to transported me to totally different place...
Genius writing thats wht i call this..Deep...!
sorry for being so late to comment!I am faaar away vacationing!

Ananya said...

I like reading stuffs that make me re read them because I wouldn't understand things at the first go.. :D *kidding*
say hi to your 290th follower :P :D

Joe said...

While reading this all I could remember was the blindfolded descents most birthdays always involve :P... Everybody knows whats awaiting them finally but the journey is mystic :)...
(incase of birthdays its mostly cakes sometimes along with buckets of water and loads of beatings that awaits the blindfolded person :P)
Kewl post :)...

D2 said...

The elixir must exist for you if you have the conviction that it does. Simply move out of the superfluous lights that are blinding. You can then find your virtues which will lead you to what you seek.

metagravity said...

A suicidal thinking, and a refreshing retreat! Boy, this was one excellent piece of writing!
I am spellbounded!

mk said...

to try, for its worth trying,
one's own experience to find oneself, deep inside,
may be its not dark, and blindfolded still, you could see the light...or just the thought of it...

nicely written, thought provoking...to seek something from which we were all hiding or just had no strength to find!!

Jyoti Mishra said...

They r there but advance sensors have gt limits too :D

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Lilangel
I'll have to see that movie to know what you might be referring to.
Thank You!

@hope and Love
Thank You.

@RH
Then focus on vacations girl, this post stays here, you won't stay that far away for long. Enjoy the vacations to the fullest.

@Ananya
Hi!

@Joe
Sadly in our case, the guy has to watch himself go to meet his nemesis with open eyes. No blindfolds, no attempt at all to conceal the gravity of the situation from the victim, aka birthday boy.

@D2
I want that star and I want it now.

@Jyoti
Then lets design even better sensors!

Anita :) said...

Dint understand the concept...but sounds like one of those difficult poems in school which one purposely ignores and attempts to painfully learn everything else in that section to do away with it :D Your English teacher will be proud of you :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

Very Intense...
I was always bad at the blindfolding game and so I would advice you not to go anywhere in the dark on a moonless night especially in an unnamed alley...You get unnecessarily scared,you know!
Your soul is inside you,don't search it at unwelcome places:)
Keeping all that aside, I liked the metaphors here :)

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