Friday, July 22, 2011

A stranger in a strange land.

बहुत बार मन करता है | 

फिर अपनी परछायी से कहता हूँ कि कुछ क्षणों के लिए मेरी जगह ले ले | कुछ देर के लिए मुझे विपक्ष में बैठ कर जम कर अपनी ही आलोचना करने दे | मुझे मेरा सबसे बड़ा विरोधी बनने दे कि जो विरोधी हैं भी उनको भी अपने विरोध में विरोधाभास सा होने लगे, शंका होने लगे कि उन्होंने अगर विरोध किया है तो मैंने क्या किया है | एक बार ही सही, मुझे अपने खिलाफ ही पक्षपात करने दे | कुछ देर के लिए ही सही, मेरी जगह संभाले |

परन्तु यहाँ कौन मित्र है?

परछायी? ज्यों ही सभी दिशाओं से प्रकाश बिंदु मुझे मंच पर प्रदीप्त करते हैं, त्यों ही परछायी मेरे नीचे से खिसक कर उसी विपक्ष में जा बैठती है जहां मैं उसे अभी अभी अपने आप को देखने कि लालसा  के बारे में बता रहा था | वहाँ से वह वही आलोचक बनने की चेष्ठा करती है जिसकी कल्पना अभी मैंने की थी | बन भी जाती, अगर मुझको ठीक से जानती होती | पर यहाँ कौन किसी के बारे में इतना जानने का इच्छुक है | मेरी आस बस आस बन कर रह जाती है, और मैं? 

जूझता हूँ |

Countless times I’ve wished I’d vanish from the center stage and leave my shadow behind, so that I can sneak into the dark shrouds of the opposition that surrounds me. And while my shadow stands there, I play my greatest rival; I lend a heavy hand on myself, so harsh that even my critics would look at their own words against me with doubt if they were enough. It’s wishful thinking. No longer that the spotlights flood my existence on the stage, the shadow deceptively sneaks out to get comfortable in those dark corners and tries to do what I had wanted to, to myself. It wouldn’t fail, had it known me.

All I can do is shrug, listen and wish, another time.


Alka Gurha said...

It takes a lot to introspect, to shed ones ego, and to appreciate that there can be more than one correct way of looking at things.

Profound thoughts.They appeal so much more in Hindi.

Center Shocker said...

Nice.. Loved the way it is said in Hindi!

Tanvi said...

Its like living in the alien lands :) Nicely expressed :) :)


Prateek Bagri said...

You are much more profound when it comes to हिंदी, perhaps because of the words you choose.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

And someone rightly said,
The terrible fluidity of self revelation!
Thank You.

आपको धन्यवाद बारम बार :)

It's also like living like an alien in familiar places. :)

Perhaps because हिंदी हैं हम ! :)

AS said...


very deep and intense.. loved it!

Unknown said...

So often, all we can do is "shrug, listen, and wish, another time"...

Deep words.

Saumya said...

loved the hindi version more.....yahan kaun kisi ke baare mein jaanne ko ichhuk hai....this is so true.....loved the write up!!!

Anonymous said...

परन्तु यहाँ कौन मित्र है..
पर यहाँ कौन किसी के बारे में इतना जानने का इच्छुक है..

takes time to accept this simple fact of life. Very well put.

S. said...

Excellent post.I feel so connected to this :)

jo said...

Hey! Kinda new here..
I think you just added a new dimension here to the constant dilemma we face everyday.Very profound and yet appears so easily expressed.
Really nice write up :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Thank You.

And it's just us who's holding us back.

Thank You :)
Long time, you haven't been blogging much?

Thank You :)


But I live this dimension, many times. Thank You.

Ritika said...

Hindi leaves a lasting impression, for sure.

Deep words, and deeper thoughts.

Unknown said...

The choice of words is great in both the versions, particularly in the Hindi version.

Nice post.

SEPO said...

shadow can either be your best frnd or your worst enemy!!

Purba said...

I like how you think and make others think.

Wings of Harmony said...

I totally love this. Not because it's a little romance novel, but because it's honest. The part about your shadow slipping away from you and taking position as your opponent, your critic...totally swept me off my feet. Amazing piece Blasphenous Asthete :D

FirstTimeMother said...

मुझे नहीं पता था की तुम्हारी हिंदी इतनी शुद्ध है

शब्दों का बड़े ही उत्तम ढंग से प्रयोग किया है तुम्ने |

यह देखकर मनं प्रफुल्लित हो उठा !

ऐसे ही आगे बढ़ते रहो...!

Sara said...

You never cease to amaze me.

Vaisakhi said...

very intrstin thought....though i didnt read the hindi part...alienated by all and self...stranger is strange land...beautifully exprssd...:)

Cloud Nine said...

Well put in words..."All i can do is shrug, listen and wish another time" Lucid thoughts worded beautifully:)

Someone is Special said...

deep words.. very beautiful expressed both in Hindi and English.. Hats of..

Someone is Special

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Thank You

Thank You :)


Thank You :)

Thank You :D

Dhanyawaad :)

Am happy with that.

Thank You. :)

@Cloud Nine

Thank you :)

Bhargav Bhatt said...

its an act, some of us always try to perform but fail,..the only truth is the wish to look into our ownself ..and thats what is more important as atleast it saves us from wrong doings to mankind...

you always rock.. this one is the best.. i liked it too much

Suruchi said...

The Hindi lines are so beautiful Anshul,
I always marvel at how you amazingly balance the essence of your thoughts in both the languages while translating...but lagta hain English version thode jaldi mein likha-usko please theek kar ke phir se is just touching the surface and not going as deep as the Hindi part did!

It is such a pleasure to read both your versions as they touch the reader differently. Infact many a times I have been struck by the English parts more.

I absolutely loved the lines though-we are our best and worst critics-we are the only ones who can satisfy us and the only ones who find problems even in the most blissful of situations.

It's all in us and yet we keep looking outside! Sigh!:-)

Tanishka said...

I loved the English version more or should I honestly say that I din't know the meaning of a few Hindi words.... How I wish my Hindi was half as good as you... :)

Subhrashis Adhikari said...

shadow knows that it has to do to dark to vanish as it becomes one with the darkness...wish i knew where i have to go...

beautifully written....

Anonymous said...

gahari bat kar di

Punam said...

Hi Anshul, I loved the English version more, perhaps because itni high-level Hindi is out of my samajh. :P But the thought is so well-pronounced and well-written.. swapping places with your own shadow - introspection.. :)

But the limelights do not allow you to do that, ha na? They steal your shadow away from you. :)

Good reminds me of another fact in life - when you are in the limelight (read success), even your own shadow leaves your side. :) Because it gets lonely at the zenith. doesn't it?

Cheers, Punam (

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

If not to mankind, then at least to ourselves.
Thank You.

You're right. The hindi version had been with me for quite sometime now. And the english one was, well, for those who don't read Hindi. A translation, if not a word by word translation.
I won't redo this one, but next time, I'll spend more time on the translations too. Thank you for the valuable suggestion and eloquent and lavish praise.

LOL, it's okay :D

You're headed straight, carry on. :)


. said...

interesting. very true, it is just us who hold ourselves back.

Ph_ said...

Egoistic han?
Bring yourself back to light, what best you can do to yourself is be yourself while people criticize.

Take care!! :)

PhilO♥ said...

I never thought that I would be fond of reading hindi. But then, I love the way you have written in hindi. Though, some words were hard to figure out, it is very well written :)
"All I can do is shrug, listen and wish, another time." It happens almost all the times!
I loved it! A very thoughtful and true post.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

That is a nice thought Punam, thanks for sharing :)


Egotist, not egoist :)

Thank You :)

Register Website Name said...

Its interesting one. every one like this kind of information. i get it some new things through your blog.

Unknown said...

awesome imagination..!! love the first few lines.

Rià said...

Love the way u hav said it in Hindi...deep and profound as ever!!

Fatima said...

Both strange and interesting, its an unknown blend of both! Maybe you are not a stranger in a strange land its just you are in the right place at the wrong time!

Nice one!

Take Care.

Wings of Harmony said...

Blasphemous Asthete, I have tagged you here, please accept it :) :D

Sonshu said...

The way you describe and write in Hindi is amazing! If I'd written somewhere close to it in my essays, I'd have impressed the examiners hahaha. Anyway now there's no hindi!

But coming to the point, I loveeeeed it. Very balanced and nicely put forth as usual.

Unknown said...

Though provoking with a deep beautiful meaning!

Happy Blogging :)

Unknown said...

Introspection throws uncomfortable questions and answers....needs a lot of guts to analyse and swallow the results...your words convey the mood effectively.

Beyond Horizon said...

Many a times in Life, its difficult to stand against our own self, to leave our shadow,

but then as you said rightly "All I can do is shrug, listen and wish, another time"

P.S. your words light up this place and make it graceful :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...


Thank You.

Yeah, I am a little late :P

I will try. Thank You.

Thank You. And don't worry, even I did not get brilliant marks in hindi.

Thank You :)

:) Thank You.

Thank you :D

Deepika said...

Touching Words... Very well defined.... And you have a brilliant command over both the languages..

Looking forward to read more on your blog.

Rooj Siddiqui said...

You never fail to amaze me :) i love how you think :)

Commendable narration. (I wish i cud read hindi too .. ) :(

Mahesh Aadhya Kalal said...

Take my bow !!!.... may be for ur shadow!!! and yeah series of loud claps too !!!....

This post is like someone wrote my mind with conviction

Mahesh Aadhya Kalal said...

One of the best posts i have read in months...
And this one is placed in my "I Recommend" list of my blog(Second post in this year till now)

Vinati said...

I am in complete awe of your writing skills. Beautiful. :)

P.S: What's your name, by the way? I find your blog name too long to write it everytime.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Thank You Deepika.

:) Thank You ji :D

accept my bows too. Thank You.

It's written all over, so I won't tell. You can write BA. :)

tarunima said...

The hindi part is beautiful!
I cant describe the impact of it. We ourselves can be be out harshest critiques some times..

Great post:)

Btw you have been awarded. Another award to your im sure overflowing collection:)

Komal Ali said...

Beautifully expressed. :-)
Wish I could read Hindi.

Alcina said...

adbhut soch ka vishey chuna hai apne :)

Very subtle..i am just left wondering after this!

⁂ܓVållῐ ⁂ܓ☺ said...

Loved the last line...NIcely written :)

S said...

i love how the english one is not just a word by word translation.. both the versions- english and hindi are penned beautifully!

it is very rare that a person is able to express in both the languages equally well !! awessssome :)


Giribala said...

Didn't understand completely but it felt good like reading a poem!!

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