Friday, February 4, 2011

Facades and Pretences.


There once was a playboy, who, his only love did forsake. Cold and pleasantly arrogant, yet, looking at the broken worlds, his heart did ache. Condolences of a foul mouth are seldom accepted, so he chose a different way. He went up to every bird whose love wings were clipped, and in the darkest hour of gloom, he poured in some more: 


It is funny how you cry like a child, opposing the existence of love, so that someday, someone would come and croon you and lull you to sleep with a love song. So much that you believe in it, you deny it more vehemently, so that someday, someone comes to you and convinces you that it exists. You are so desperate to hold on to the faintest light that might shine through. I saw you clutch your throbbing heart and move out of that room, fuming and desperate, looking for a place to breathe. That hag was raving about the non-existence of love, what wrong is it? You yourself said so. Everyone listened; some aired their opinions too, in support, or in disagreement. But you chose to leave, because you couldn’t take it. I can understand you were not feeling well, and I know what was making you unwell. Nostalgia? That child inside who wanted to rip out her cursed tongue and vindicate love from the accusations that she hurled at it? Just because you couldn’t take it, because all of it was a farce, a hoax, a lie? Look at you, acting all so strong even now. Look at your face, I feel like pitying you right now, but I won’t.

Love, isn’t a sacrifice. No, it is not a gesture of selflessness. It’s an act of biggest selfishness. Can you love and expect not to be loved back? You can convince your mind and probably your heart that you don’t expect anything. But for how long? Even for a moment if this thought passed your mind that why doesn’t he even look back to me, when I love him so fully, watch your intentions. See the real face.

It is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone,
Of each woman and each man,
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love,
But to be loved alone*

I don’t blame you for doing it, but accuse you for denying its validity and running from it.  I will mock you, ridicule your meagre existence. The more you resist, the more I'll insist, until you surrender to the temptation. I am not your emancipator, I have come to drug you, and drag you to the keel of your misery. I'll leave you there, alone. What would you make out of it? Go overboard? Can you? I dare you to move. Rebuild or conform, from ground zero, prove me wrong.
I don't want you to possess a heart of gold, that's too malleable. I'd rather turn you into stone, sharp at the edges, immaculately carved into a form so divine that it is atrocious. ¥


Who am I? For you, I am a Nobody, who would not care the least, nothing more than a trespasser, a gambler who has put in money for his own mirth, business as usual. What have I achieved to be so boisterous about and be so high on hubris? Nothing, nothing at least to fancy your whims.
But then, I don't understand emotion, in particular, in singularity.


*Copied from the feed of another blog, the lines were short lived there, I don’t claim them.
P.S. Maybe the italicized text that had been with me for quite some time now inspired me to write this, I am not very sure. But one thing I am sure of is that while writing this, I remembered reading something related to this a very long time ago. It was this article, some things leave imprints for a long time. Read it!
On a different note, homage to The Saint:
Let those love now, who never loved before: Let those who always loved, now love the more.
‘Pervigilium Veneris’

51 comments:

Achuthan Raman Chari said...

Beautifully written

Alka Gurha said...

Some lines are profound and beautiful.


Can you love and expect not to be loved back?
Also the one..id rather turn u into stone...
Certain reads are impressionable.Keep haunting and lurking somewhere in the crevices of your mind.

Sayak said...

Love, as they say-
is profound.
You, it can ground.
Whether or not,
It be found.

Fatima said...

Love doesn't exist or does it?? this has left me in a lurch so much so that I know of its existence yet I do not wish to believe in it!

Love is mere madness and compromise...dunno what it feels to be loved though its an amazing feeling to love someone...

True, love can be selfish it ain't all altruistic!

Good one.

Take Care,
Fatima

P.S: Care to correct me if I've interpreted wrong this time round too..but what I quoted is what I could make out....

♫♪♥Lonely Dreamer♥♪♫ said...

I was clicking some other picture, when my friend suddenly clicked my picture. That's why I wasn't smiling =)

Deepika said...

I deny the existance of such thing but do agree that some ppl still believe if something like this exists. Well, they are the ones described here being cheated, left. Be a sharp edged stone, this way you'll never be hurt and won't be expected to be gentle to others too. Nice read.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Achutan Raman
Thank You.

@Alka
:) Thank You, and true, some words don't fade.

@Sayak
True, and yet, it unbinds you.

@Fatima
I won't, even if you were wrong. But you aren't.
:)

@Juhi
Nevermind. :)

@Deepika
But I insist.

nOt anyone you know said...

sometimes hypocrisy so on your face that you don't realise it. it always takes a mirror.
some hypocrites die hypocrites.
some cowards die cowards.

Crazy Diamond said...

Love IS selfish :) and it works that way only. You have to be selfish in love. The other one wants you to want back! :)

The girl in the red coat said...

I don't know Anshul how, but it struck a chord with me... Somehow i know its true, with me too.. Too much of a revelation for me.. :(
Liked it :)

Cheers,

Vivek Chamoli said...

Hi Anshul,
I loved it , the question you put over it.
Who am I ? really sometime we are caught ourselves in the web ..were things go fuzzy ..and vision go Blurry .

Thanks for sharing.

Take care.
KS :)

Rek said...

Love must exist,
I haven't seen it yet...
I disbelieved it for long
It never touched me.
I prefer the other forms of love
to be safe and secure...
to love despite my many faults
was not easy for him
he demanded perfection
when perfect he, himself, was not
more in love with oneself
less left for others to love..

I wrote this long ago, never posted it...Won't say more than this...keep writing...it draws me back...

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Bhavika
So true. They say cowards die many times before actually dying.
As for me, I have been afraid of dying itself.

@D
hehehe yes, it is.

@Tanvi
single chord? here's a symphony playing.

@Vivek
What did I say?

@Rek
Perhaps, you made this world wait for quite sometime to see what you wrote. Interesting lines.
To this I'll quote something, if you come back to see it:

Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew
back,
Guilty of dust and sinne
But quick-ey’d Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning,
If I lack’d any thing.


:)

Maria said...

ahhh love.

i'm still dizzy with your words. the thoughts are swirling in my head, my emotions stirred.

Chandana said...

as vehemently as i have tried to be that 'sharp edged stone' to prove the non-existance of love.. i kinda (miserably) fail..
love exists or it doesn't?
It does.
There's no other way around.

"You can convince your mind and probably your heart that you don’t expect anything. But for how long?" - No answer..still questioning myself...

Nice read!

Nikita said...

It is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone,
Of each woman and each man,
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love,
But to be loved alone*

Dese lines mean a real lot !! Very touching post..

Tanishka said...

I think everyone can relate to it in some way or the other...
Love is selfish... Very true... We all want to be loved back no matter how much we deny to this fact...

suruchi said...

The ever famous emotion...the ever famous bafflement...
But love would be happy to have you telling about him thus...
If we could understand love, perhaps we would understand ourselves and vice versa

some very compelling thoughts n some very beautiful expressions:-)
Me reallyyyyyyy like this post!

aria said...

our favorite subject.. isn't it?
one thing is for sure.. if there wasn't love there wouldn't have been bloggers.. :D
liked reading your take.. whatever we say about Love.. its never enough.. so will wait for some more.. on some other occasion :)

Ana said...

Wow. Selfless love barely exists. We're humans afterall. We all crave for something. That craving will rise up, if not today. No point fooling ourselves. Loved your post :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Maria
May peace be upon your troubled mind, let there be light... someday I'll talk of dawn.

@Chandana
True, the point is, how you look at love, what do you infer of it.

@Nikita
Those poets are gone, I envy them, I miss them.

@Tanishka
Yes.

@Suruchi
Love would be happy to have me tell about him, provided I look at him from a distance, in the eye.
Thank You for appreciating.

@Aria
Not mine, I love science, the human mind and it's possibilities, call it reason. Using the word 'love' in defining itself, wasn't it a cliche?
Perhaps, someday, on some other occasion.

@Ana
Thank You. :)

mk said...

beautiful lines friend,
nice way to interpret love and what we really expect from love...

selfless indeed, so, bit of caring...and as we run from it...we just get into it....

keep penning :) :)

AmitL said...

Hi,Aesthete- nicely written...and,nice blog you have..will be back for some more reading pleasure, soon:)

Purba said...

Poignant and beautiful. Reiterating what I've always said - love is the most selfish emotion. Yet love is what keeps us alive.

S said...

I don't want you to possess a heart of gold, that's too malleable. Terrific line!

I think.. love or no love.. all of us wear a mask in this society.. never ready or perhaps too scared to go bare.. Facade it is!

Sunakshi said...

Seriously a thought provoking post.Love is incomplete without expectations because it is a human tendency to not-to-expect.

Very beautifully written. :)

Ph_ said...

It has to be of course selfishness rather than selflessness which exists in the hearts. Selflessness is confined to tales and stories only.

Nice read :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@mk
Didn't I just say selfish? :P

@AmitL
Okay.

@Purba
Yeah, true, needs iteration though. :)

@S
Scared maybe. Did you read the other article?

@Sunakshi
Yes.

@Princess
Which stories? Who died to be forgotten? Who sacrificed their lives for nothing.
Those who ever did, we never heard of them. Did you?

Ph_ said...

hmm... may be I did and what I heard I don't know if it is true .
All I meant is selfless love is rare found.

Ana_treek said...

Ur feelings just pour out..loved the post!

Kari Ann said...

There is power in words, especially words that seem to touch you in the places you try to hide. This is a beautiful piece of prose. I will definitely be back to read your blog again.

Jane Doe said...

Love can be a blessing or a curse, depending upon with whom you've fallen in love. At least, that's been my experience.

A powerful piece, very beautifully written.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Princess
:)

@Ana
Thank You, and welcome here.

@Kari Ann
Thank you Ann.

@Jane
Experience, is a testimony. I should believe you?

Beyond Horizon said...

The all time asked question...and always a varied answer to it by every brain!!!

It’s an act of biggest selfishness...somehow I do agree with it.

P.S.You do think with complexity...and I have always been an admirer for it :)

Phoenix said...

beautiful writing there... a contrast to what i had written.. but i respect your thoughts! thanks for offering me a different perception! :)

Can you love and expect not to be loved back? You can convince your mind and probably your heart that you don’t expect anything. But for how long?

Answer to this, I can honestly say "Yes" to each of the above.. how long? as long as there is to this! :) no regrets there! :)

Samadrita said...

Poignant and poetic to a certain extent. But very beautiful either way!
Let those love now, who never loved before: Let those who always loved, now love the more.-Loved the last line the most I suppose. :)

The Silhouette said...

Hey, Hi
theres something in store for you at my blog...
:)

Regards,
The Silhouette...

p.s. - i havent read this post as of yet, so would come back to comment on it...
:)

Talha said...

I believe that love does exits and its beautiful.

I don't agree that love is an act of selfishness for me love is act of selflessness.

The Silhouette said...

Hey, Hi
Well, almost all here seem to agree with the point that love is a tainted mistress...
Arent we humans responsible for that? our love is scarred, it aint love anymore, its desire, to be with the person you are infatuated with...
People say, there are forms of love..to which i respectfully disagree, love is the same, its our view towards it. Love is pure, its bliss, its something we humans are not...Love never asks anything in return. its the most selfless emotion ever to be felt...on the other hand, what is selfish is US.
There is a thin line between love and us, its love that we give to others, whereas its our selfishness to expect something in return...And then we simply put it as, "We are only humans!!"

Thoughtfully written, a nice read.

Regards,
The Silhouette...

Rachel Fenton said...

The Finn quote reminded me of something which I'll try and find and return with anon...

But I very much esteemed your take on the notion of love. It's quite bizarre to think how much we humans who place so much value on the material, the concrete, actually go all out crazy in the head nuts for an abstract that not one other living soul can perfectly define universally....I think it should be like the word for snow; Inuit people have hundreds of words for snow, yet English has just one, and it's the same with love. We need more love words!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Beyond Horizon
And I wish to simplify, what I don't understand. :)
Thank You.

@Phoenix
Bless You, if that is true. May you never be alone. Only If

@Samadrita
:)

@Talha
I understand, someday, you will.

@Silhouette
A perspective, wonderful

@Rachel Fenton
Absolutely true. Thank You (:

Cinderella said...

Bravo!

I cannot remember the last time I read something more powerful. Marvelous.

"I will mock you, ridicule your meagre existence. The more you...at the edges, immaculately carved into a form so divine that it is atrocious"

These lines are filled with a vendetta that arises from the sheer blasphemy of the truth that satires you when you are in it abysmally deep - vulnerable and vain. And nothing can help it. Nothing.

Yet, what use does that serve your spirit? For no matter how hard you fall, and how bad it hurts...you know, they know, theres nothing like it. Nothing.

This post will be bench marked, and returned to. One of your best Anshul.

Komal Ali said...

Kudos! That's a sunning piece of writing with a beautiful end. :)

Take care and keep writing!!

SEPO said...

ahhh love!!

love is a screwed up emotion! highly overrated! don't know what say what hasn't been said before!

it was a good read though! interesting!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Cinderella
Perhaps, you are right about love. Yet, I wrote it from a distance, from some altitude, as I saw it.

@Komal Ali
You too :)

@SEPO
hahaha okay.

the feeling lioness said...

I could see the cruel streak

Mehak said...

this really moved me... it is thought-provoking and as always, beautifully worded.

Alcina said...

Each word true to the title.But the way you have tried to open up the mystery is surprising and questioning.So after i read what you have written i am having lots of questions to be answered if i don't get the answer hope you would help me to get some :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

@Lioness
Yes, me too.

@Mehak
:) Thank You.

@Alcina
I can only try. :)

Asma said...

yes lov is a two way thing...

J said...

This was beautiful

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